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A Marriage that Pleases God

January 26th, 2013

A Marriage that Pleases God

Written by Rev.Paul Lai
Translate by Brenda Tsang
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
–Ephesians 5:22-23

After God formed Adam out of the dust of the ground, He caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and took out one of his ribs to create Eve. Why did God use a rib to create a woman, and not a bone from the foot? The answer is simple. Just like what the ancient theologist Chrysostom said, “God did not create a woman from a man’s foot, lest she gets oppressed, nor did He create her from a man’s skull, lest she oppresses him; but He created her from a man’s rib, so that she is his partner. The location of the rib—being in the chest—allows the woman to be protected by her man, and being close to the heart allows the woman to be loved by her man.”

1. A Marriage that Pleases God Is Based on the Truth in God’s Word

The Bible says, the husband is the head of the wife; the wife should submit to the head. What does this “head” signify? Most people think that “head” stands for “greatness”, so that the husband has the greatest position in the household. In one occasion, Jesus saw a group of people eating and asked His disciples, “Who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves?” From the world’s perspective, those sitting are greater since they get to comfortably enjoy themselves while others serve them. From a spiritual point of view, those standing are of greater. Jesus said that those of higher status should serve those of lesser. Jesus is the head of the church. He washed the feet of His disciples. He gave His life to the church. So if you’re to be the head, you have to serve your wife. You need to give her your time, give up your own opinions, and in times of need, sacrifice your own life to protect her, just like how Jesus sacrificed Himself for the church. The wife needs to submit to her husband, just like the church submits to Jesus. Jesus loves the church, so naturally the church submits to Jesus, giving her all to Him. If your husband loves you this much, then you would have no problem submitting to him. “Submission” in the Bible does not mean a lesser position, of less respect or ability — It is a response to love. God used a rib to create a woman. Like the rib which is found at the side of a man, so a wife should always be by the side of her husband and support him. Her heart is forever with him, knowing all of each other’s deepest thoughts and feelings.

True love comes from a true God. The Bible says that God is love. We love because He loved us first. True love is walking with each other “the second mile of the road”. The first mile is responsibility, while the second is love. True love surpasses responsibility. True love is loving your wife as yourself. Ephesians 5:29 says, “After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” An example of how a person treats his own body can be found in the maintenance of a car. If you care about your car, you would not wait until it breaks down before you would tune it up. On a daily basis, the husband should be like “Romeo” to his wife. The wife should continue to take care of her appearance as she had done before marriage. But more importantly, she should mind her inner beauty, as recorded in I Peter 3:4, “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” This kind of love will not deteriorate, but will only get better and better with time. True love never ends. The love shared between husband and wife is like no other. Their love goes through all colours of life. Their love endures hardships and prosperity alike. In dark times, their love glows all the more brighter. As it is written in the Bible, brothers and sisters are meant to go through tough times together. The relationship between husband and wife, however, should be even deeper than that among siblings. Therefore, they should all the more persevere through trials of many types together. The renowned English writer C. S. Louis said, “Love is choosing to endure suffering with the one you love over enjoying prosperity with another.” “Oceans will dry up and mountains will crumble, but love will remain” is a common vow of love. Even King Solomon in Song of Songs 8:7 said, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Man cannot separate whom God has joined together.

2. A Marriage that Pleases God calls for Respect for Each Other

A couple should respect each other, each other’s family, friends, personality, likes and dislikes. The other’s parents will be my parents; his/her friends my friends. When a couple respects each other, life will be filled with peace and warmth. Love is trusting in one another. Without trust, the marriage will be endangered. Once trust has been tried, much effort and time are needed to rebuild it. Therefore, honesty is extremely important in the relationship. Even “little fibs” should be avoided to guard and maintain the trust between you.

3. A Marriage that Pleases God calls for an Understanding of Each Other

After marriage, the couple needs to continue to learn about each other — about each other’s original family and background, to help each other understand each other’s personality, practices, strengths and weaknesses. The more you understand differences between men and women, the stronger your marital ties will become. Along with understanding, there is acceptance. God means for a man and his wife to be one in spirit until they are of one soul. Sexual relations was originally intended for communication on all the physical, emotional and spiritual levels. Therefore, a couple needs to incessantly strive to understand each other better, to share with and refine each other, so that a satisfying level of communication will be reached.

4. A Marriage that Pleases God Calls for Security within the Home

A home should be a warm and safe nest. Where there is love, there is security. Home should be a safe place, where a stressed and burdened heart finds comfort and relaxation. Home should also be children’s paradise. “Home Sweet Home” is an all-time favourite hymn because it bears truth. Where is my home? There is no place like home because it is the happiest place. A English saying goes, “A house is built with bricks, but a home is built with love.” The home is indeed a nest of security and bliss.

5. A Marriage that Pleases God Calls for Thankfulness

A couple needs to honestly admire each other. Don’t hesitate to send words of admiration and thankfulness to each other. Words of thankfulness need to come constantly and from the heart. Praise for each other will scale your love onto new heights. Just one “I admire you” or “thank you” is like sweet-sounding music to the ears of heart.


The secret to having a wonderful marriage lies in honouring, loving and respecting each other. Such a marriage will not only bring joy to the family, but will also cause a deeper relationship with God for both individuals. Marriage is not merely about seeking happiness, but more importantly is about becoming godlier. All the days of marriage allows us to learn about and practice submission, humbleness, meekness, gentleness, kindness, patience, forgiveness and acceptance — becoming more like Jesus every day. True love is about thinking of the well-being of the other, living for each other and the children.

“Jesus is the head of our household” should not just be hung over the fireplace as a form of decoration, but should be lived out. It means to follow His teachings and principles, allow Him to truly be the master, and you and your family the devoted servants.

TRUST in each other with the truth which is found in the Lord. This TRUST means:

Truth of God’s Word
Respect for Each Other
Understanding Each Other
Security in the Home
Thankfulness for Each Other

TRUST in the Lord, and TRUST in each other.

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