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January 25th, 2010

2005 5

賴建鵬牧師 (癌症關懷組顧問牧師)




I know who holds tomorrow
Rev. Paul Lai
(Chaplain of Cancer Support Group)

I don’t know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day;
I don’t borrow from its sunshine, For its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry over the future, For I know what Jesus said;
And today I’ll walk beside Him, For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow, And I know who holds my hand.

When the doctor diagnosed nasopharyngeal carcinoma (cancer) in me, I wanted to know to what stage it had developed. The answer was late stage three going on stage four. I gathered all the relevant information I could at the library and learned that 90% of stage one patients recovered, but very few were diagnosed at this early stage. Most patients were diagnosed at stage two or three, and their chances of recovery were 30% to 50%. As for stage four patients, only a few out of a hundred had a chance of recovery. I belonged to this latter group.

I asked, “Must life be so short?” Death was just before me and darkness seemed to suddenly overshadow the light of God. My usual liveliness and faith were gone and my spirit struggled in depths of gloominess and doubt.

Thanks to the Lord, the hymn came to me: yes, I did not know about tomorrow, but I knew God held my hand while I walked through that difficult road. I knew “today” was in the hand of God, and “tomorrow” would be in God’s grace. He walked beside me as my partner. Although I could not completely understand, I knew He held my tomorrow and I no longer feared or worried.

In the silence of night as I lay in bed, the tape recorder play the hymn. My heart was filled with hope and faith. Hymns express our feelings and love for God. Whether we sing them aloud or softly, hymns can chase away our loneliness, sadness and worry. Sometimes, our lives seem like dying flames, but the beautiful melody and moving lyrics of the hymn can relight our flames, recharge our lives, and resettle faith and joy in our hearts.

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